W HEN I was fifteen, I got hepatitis. It started in the fall and lasted until spring. As the old year darkened and turned colder, I got weaker and weaker. Things didn’t start to improve until the new year. January was warm, and my mother moved my bed out onto the balcony. I saw sky, sun, clouds, and heard the voices of children playing in the courtyard. As dusk came one evening in February, there was the sound of a blackbird singing.
The first time I ventured outside, it was to go from Blumenstrasse, where we lived on the second floor of a massive turn-of-the-century building, to Bahnhofstrasse. That’s where I’d thrown up on the way home from school one day the previous October. I’d been feeling weak for days, in a way that was completely new to me. Every step was an effort. When I was faced with stairs either at home or at school, my legs would hardly carry me. I had no appetite. Even if I sat down at the table hungry, I soon felt queasy. I woke up every morning with a dry mouth and the sensation that my insides were in the wrong place and too heavy for my body. I was ashamed of being so weak. I was even more ashamed when I threw up. That was another thing that had never happened to me before. My mouth was suddenly full, I tried to swallow everything down again, and clenched my teeth with my hand in front of my mouth, but it all burst out of my mouth anyway straight through my fingers. I leaned against the wall of the building, looked down at the vomit around my feet, and retched something clear and sticky.
When rescue came, it was almost an assault. The woman seized my arm and pulled me through the dark entryway into the courtyard. Up above there were lines strung from window to window, loaded with laundry. Wood was stacked in the courtyard; in an open workshop a saw screamed and shavings flew. The woman turned on the tap, washed my hand first, and then cupped both of hers and threw water in my face. I dried myself with a handkerchief.
“Get that one!” There were two pails standing by the faucet; she grabbed one and filled it. I took the other one, filled it, and followed her through the entryway. She swung her arm, the water sluiced down across the walk and washed the vomit into the gutter. Then she took my pail and sent a second wave of water across the walk.
When she straightened up, she saw I was crying. “Hey, kid,” she said, startled, “hey, kid”—and took me in her arms. I wasn’t much taller than she was, I could feel her breasts against my chest. I smelled the sourness of my own breath and felt her fresh sweat as she held me, and didn’t know where to look. I stopped crying.
She asked me where I lived, put the pails down in the entryway, and took me home, walking beside me holding my schoolbag in one hand and my arm in the other. It’s no great distance from Bahnhofstrasse to Blumenstrasse. She walked quickly, and her decisiveness helped me to keep pace with her. She said goodbye in front of our building.
That same day my mother called in the doctor, who diagnosed hepatitis. At some point I told my mother about the woman. If it hadn’t been for that, I don’t think I would have gone to see her. But my mother simply assumed that as soon as I was better, I would use my pocket money to buy some flowers, go introduce myself, and say thank you, which was why at the end of February I found myself heading for Bahnhofstrasse.
我十五歲的時候得了黃疸病，發(fā)病時在秋天，病愈時在春天。越到年底，天氣越冷，白天越短，我的身體也就越弱，新年伊始才有所好轉。一月的天氣很暖和，母親為我在陽臺上搭了一張床。我看得見天空、太陽、云彩，也聽得見孩子們在院子里玩耍。二月里的一天傍晚，我聽見一只烏鴉在歌唱。
我們家住在鮮花街一座于世紀之交建造的巨大樓房的二樓。我在這里走的第一段路是從鮮花街到火車站街。十月里的一個星期一，在放學回家的路上，我嘔吐了。幾天來，我身體特別虛弱，我一生中從未那樣虛弱過，每邁一步都很吃力。在家或在學校上樓梯的時候，我的腿幾乎抬不起來。我也沒有食欲，即使是饑腸轆轆地坐在餐桌旁，也很快就又厭食了。早晨醒來口干舌燥，渾身難受，好像身體的器官都錯了位。我的身體這么弱，我感到很害羞，特別是當我嘔吐的時候。那樣的嘔吐在我的一生中還是第一次。我盡力把嘴里的東西咽下去，上嘴唇咬著下嘴唇，手捂著嘴，但是，嘴里的東西還是順著手指噴了出來。我靠在墻上，看著腳邊的污*物，嘔吐起白沫來。
把我扶起來的那個女人，她的動作幾乎是粗暴的。她攙著我的胳膊，領著我穿過了黑洞洞的門廊來到一座院子里。院子里窗與窗之間都拉上了繩子，上面掛著晾曬的衣服，院子里還堆著木頭。在一間露天的工棚里，有人正在鋸木頭，木屑四濺。在院門旁，有一個水龍頭，那個女人擰開了水龍頭，先給我洗了手，然后用手捧著水給我沖了臉。我用手帕把臉擦干了。
"你拿另外一只！"在水龍頭旁有兩只水桶，她拿了一只，裝滿了水，我拿了另外一只，也裝滿水。跟在她后面。她用力擺了一下把水潑到了路上，嘔吐物被沖到了下水道里。她從我手里接過水桶，把這一桶水也潑到了路上。
她站起身來，看見我在哭。"小家伙，"她驚訝地說，"小家伙。"她把我摟在了懷里。我?guī)缀鹾退粯痈撸杏X到她的胸貼在我的胸上，在這樣緊的擁抱中我聞到了自己呼出的難聞的氣昧和她身上新鮮的汗味。我不知道應該把兩支胳膊放在什么地方。我停止了哭泣。
她問我住在什么地方，然后把水桶放到了門廊里，送我回家。她走在我身旁，一手拿著我的書包，一手扶著我的胳膊。從火車站街到鮮花街并不遠。她走得很快，很果斷，這使我跟上她的步伐很容易。在我家門前她與我告了別。
就在同一天，母親請來了醫(yī)生，他診斷我得了黃疸病。不知什么時候我向母親提起了那個女人。我沒想到我還應該去看她，但我母親卻理所當然地這樣認為。她說，只要有可能，我應該用我的零花錢買一束鮮花，做一下自我介紹，并對她表示感謝。這樣，二月底，我去了火車站街。
The first time I ventured outside, it was to go from Blumenstrasse, where we lived on the second floor of a massive turn-of-the-century building, to Bahnhofstrasse. That’s where I’d thrown up on the way home from school one day the previous October. I’d been feeling weak for days, in a way that was completely new to me. Every step was an effort. When I was faced with stairs either at home or at school, my legs would hardly carry me. I had no appetite. Even if I sat down at the table hungry, I soon felt queasy. I woke up every morning with a dry mouth and the sensation that my insides were in the wrong place and too heavy for my body. I was ashamed of being so weak. I was even more ashamed when I threw up. That was another thing that had never happened to me before. My mouth was suddenly full, I tried to swallow everything down again, and clenched my teeth with my hand in front of my mouth, but it all burst out of my mouth anyway straight through my fingers. I leaned against the wall of the building, looked down at the vomit around my feet, and retched something clear and sticky.
When rescue came, it was almost an assault. The woman seized my arm and pulled me through the dark entryway into the courtyard. Up above there were lines strung from window to window, loaded with laundry. Wood was stacked in the courtyard; in an open workshop a saw screamed and shavings flew. The woman turned on the tap, washed my hand first, and then cupped both of hers and threw water in my face. I dried myself with a handkerchief.
“Get that one!” There were two pails standing by the faucet; she grabbed one and filled it. I took the other one, filled it, and followed her through the entryway. She swung her arm, the water sluiced down across the walk and washed the vomit into the gutter. Then she took my pail and sent a second wave of water across the walk.
When she straightened up, she saw I was crying. “Hey, kid,” she said, startled, “hey, kid”—and took me in her arms. I wasn’t much taller than she was, I could feel her breasts against my chest. I smelled the sourness of my own breath and felt her fresh sweat as she held me, and didn’t know where to look. I stopped crying.
She asked me where I lived, put the pails down in the entryway, and took me home, walking beside me holding my schoolbag in one hand and my arm in the other. It’s no great distance from Bahnhofstrasse to Blumenstrasse. She walked quickly, and her decisiveness helped me to keep pace with her. She said goodbye in front of our building.
That same day my mother called in the doctor, who diagnosed hepatitis. At some point I told my mother about the woman. If it hadn’t been for that, I don’t think I would have gone to see her. But my mother simply assumed that as soon as I was better, I would use my pocket money to buy some flowers, go introduce myself, and say thank you, which was why at the end of February I found myself heading for Bahnhofstrasse.
我十五歲的時候得了黃疸病，發(fā)病時在秋天，病愈時在春天。越到年底，天氣越冷，白天越短，我的身體也就越弱，新年伊始才有所好轉。一月的天氣很暖和，母親為我在陽臺上搭了一張床。我看得見天空、太陽、云彩，也聽得見孩子們在院子里玩耍。二月里的一天傍晚，我聽見一只烏鴉在歌唱。
我們家住在鮮花街一座于世紀之交建造的巨大樓房的二樓。我在這里走的第一段路是從鮮花街到火車站街。十月里的一個星期一，在放學回家的路上，我嘔吐了。幾天來，我身體特別虛弱，我一生中從未那樣虛弱過，每邁一步都很吃力。在家或在學校上樓梯的時候，我的腿幾乎抬不起來。我也沒有食欲，即使是饑腸轆轆地坐在餐桌旁，也很快就又厭食了。早晨醒來口干舌燥，渾身難受，好像身體的器官都錯了位。我的身體這么弱，我感到很害羞，特別是當我嘔吐的時候。那樣的嘔吐在我的一生中還是第一次。我盡力把嘴里的東西咽下去，上嘴唇咬著下嘴唇，手捂著嘴，但是，嘴里的東西還是順著手指噴了出來。我靠在墻上，看著腳邊的污*物，嘔吐起白沫來。
把我扶起來的那個女人，她的動作幾乎是粗暴的。她攙著我的胳膊，領著我穿過了黑洞洞的門廊來到一座院子里。院子里窗與窗之間都拉上了繩子，上面掛著晾曬的衣服，院子里還堆著木頭。在一間露天的工棚里，有人正在鋸木頭，木屑四濺。在院門旁，有一個水龍頭，那個女人擰開了水龍頭，先給我洗了手，然后用手捧著水給我沖了臉。我用手帕把臉擦干了。
"你拿另外一只！"在水龍頭旁有兩只水桶，她拿了一只，裝滿了水，我拿了另外一只，也裝滿水。跟在她后面。她用力擺了一下把水潑到了路上，嘔吐物被沖到了下水道里。她從我手里接過水桶，把這一桶水也潑到了路上。
她站起身來，看見我在哭。"小家伙，"她驚訝地說，"小家伙。"她把我摟在了懷里。我?guī)缀鹾退粯痈撸杏X到她的胸貼在我的胸上，在這樣緊的擁抱中我聞到了自己呼出的難聞的氣昧和她身上新鮮的汗味。我不知道應該把兩支胳膊放在什么地方。我停止了哭泣。
她問我住在什么地方，然后把水桶放到了門廊里，送我回家。她走在我身旁，一手拿著我的書包，一手扶著我的胳膊。從火車站街到鮮花街并不遠。她走得很快，很果斷，這使我跟上她的步伐很容易。在我家門前她與我告了別。
就在同一天，母親請來了醫(yī)生，他診斷我得了黃疸病。不知什么時候我向母親提起了那個女人。我沒想到我還應該去看她，但我母親卻理所當然地這樣認為。她說，只要有可能，我應該用我的零花錢買一束鮮花，做一下自我介紹，并對她表示感謝。這樣，二月底，我去了火車站街。