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        第七屆全國創(chuàng)新英語作文大賽優(yōu)勝作文選登8

        字號(hào):


            What Computers Bring to Us
            刁玥
            山東省泰安市泰山中學(xué)高二3班
            With time going by, the computer is playing a more and more important role in our daily life. It in reality helps people a lot in every aspects of our life. However, it brings some negative points at the same time. Here are my point of views about the advantages and disadvantages of computers.
            We can't live without computers. Firstly, it can offer us an enormous quantity of information. As is known to all, we have stepped into a period filled with information. The Internet has the ability of gathering the information. Two heads are better than one, and what about many thousands? The answer is obviously. Secondly, computers make our life colourful. We can use computers to play games, communicate with others, listen to the music, watch a latest film and so on. People are easy to get relaxed on the Internet. Thirdly, computers help us to do things easier. For example, I like shopping very much. I am able to go shopping by knocking at the mouse instead of going outdoors. It in deed saves a lot of time, doesn't it? What's more, we can also book a train tickets, work and so on by using computers.
            Every coin has two sides. Computers also bring some disadvantages. Firstly, young people are so easily addicted to the Internet. They always play computer games online day and night and throw their study away. Not until their marks get down did they realize that they has addicted to it. And at that time, it's difficult for them to get changed. Secondly, the Internet is a imaginary world. Everyone can hide himself in it. So people are easy to get cheated. I was cheated buying a digital camera at one time. Thirdly, it is the computer that make most of the students have a poor eyesight. Few people limited themselves on the Internet. In reality computers are haimful to our health.
            Achievements is founded on deligence and wasted upon recklessness. If we use cornputers in the right way instead of just wasting time on it, computers are really called the most useful helpers.
            專家建議:
            作者基本掌握了議論文的寫作要領(lǐng),只在文章個(gè)別之處存在一些諸如語言缺乏客觀性的問題,另外就是有的表達(dá)不夠地道和準(zhǔn)確。因此建議該考生在平時(shí)的學(xué)習(xí)中盡量多閱讀原汁原味的英語文章,有意識(shí)地積累地道的英語表達(dá),不斷提高語言運(yùn)用能力。
            專家點(diǎn)評(píng):
            本篇文章段落結(jié)構(gòu)清晰明了,第一段作為引言段引出文章主體段落,第二段主要羅列計(jì)算機(jī)的益處,第三段主要列舉計(jì)算機(jī)給人們帶來的害處,最后一段是對(duì)文章的總結(jié)和作者個(gè)人看法。整篇文章思路清晰,段落主題突出。文章詞匯運(yùn)用較為高級(jí)與豐富,語法多樣性也有所體現(xiàn)。不足之處在于有個(gè)別語言點(diǎn)不夠地道,另外有個(gè)別邏輯錯(cuò)誤。