Everytime i see poverty life when i turn over the book.i always feel unwell. Believing everybody have the seem fells.so,meybe we will think what we can do for the poor.that being so,mang people make a choice to be volunteers.It is cheering.
    One day,i wached a poor child in newspapers.His sight like a knife sharped painmy heart.i have never forgoten that.idesperated do something for him.so,i thought of being a high-degree doctor to help him,but a friend of mine said that the higher achieviment the less the heart of compassion.i think it carefully,that word,is right and many people will be dusted the eyes by benefits.
    Sometimes i can not helpasking myself why you not do something for the poor,what you do something for the poor.But i really do not know.who can help me,WHO CAN HELP THE POOR.
    Every time i see poverty life when i turn over the book.i always feel unwell（根據(jù)作者的意思這句話改為Every time I see the life of the poor from books, I always feel unhappy.) Believing everybody have the seem fells(I believe everybody has the same feeling).so,meybe(maybe) we will think what we can do for the poor.that being so(改為so),mang(many) people make a choice to be volunteers.It is cheering.
    One day,i wached(watched) a poor child in newspapers.His sight (加is)like a knife sharped pain(sharpening)my heart.i have never forgoten(forgotten) that.i desperated(decided to) do something for him.so,i thought of being a high-degree doctor to help him,but a friend of mine said that the higher achieviment the less the heart of compassion.i think it (over）carefully,(and)that word,is right and many people will be dusted the eyes(改用seduced) by benefits.
    Sometimes i can not help asking myself why you （加do) not do something for the poor,what you do something (去掉something)for the poor.But i really do not know.who can help me,WHO CAN HELP THE POOR.
    評語
    作者表達對窮人的關心和擔心，總體意思寫的很好，句子的高度不錯，只是開頭的幾句表的混亂，總的來說寫的不錯，建議以后注意檢查，在WORD上寫，這樣基本的錯誤可以檢查出來。