中考英語寫作精彩點評與修改（二）　　原文修改如下：
    Dear Peter,
    （第一段：提出要求。1-2句）
    I am writing to ask whether you are able to do favor.
    （“讓某人幫忙”可以表達成do sb. a favor. 可以改成：I am writing to ask whether you are able to do me a favor.）
    （第二段：說明理由。5-7句）
    I want to get a good pen friend. I would like you introduce a penfriend to me. (請求的內(nèi)容要簡潔明了，可以合并成一句話：I would like you to introduce a good pen pal to me.) First of all, She must be a girl in her early years. （沒有說明原因，為什么找一個和我年齡相仿的筆友?？梢愿某桑篎irst of all, she must be a girl about my own age, who can communicate with me better than anyone else.）My hobby is traveling and playing badminton. For our communication, I hope she likes the things as I like. And I also like small pet. (這三句話表示希望筆友能有和我一樣的愛好，但是寫的太零散了，邏輯性不強，用復(fù)合句來替換多個簡單句。可以改成：Furthermore，she is supposed to have the same hobbies as mine, such as traveling, playing badminton, and raising small pets. 在表達時，注意先總后分，先說希望她擁有和我一樣的愛好，再說這些愛好具體是什么。千萬不要倒置次序。)
    （第三段：重申要求。1-2句）
    If you can help me finding an English penfiaend. that’s the best. (用這個句型：I would appreciate it very much if …, “如果……, 我將感激不盡。”可以改成：I would appreciate it very much if you can help me find an English pen friend.) I can write to her to know her culture and improve my English Maybe in holiday. I can go to her country for a travel. (這句話不應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)在這里，把它作為我找筆友的第三條要求, 放到第二段的末尾，就顯的更合理一些?！傲私狻睉?yīng)該表達成：know about。整個句子可以改成：Finally，she is expected to be an English native speaker so that I can write to her to know about her culture and improve my English.)
    I’ m looking forwards to your news. （很好！結(jié)語寒暄。）
     Sincerely
     Yours，
    點評：
    這篇文章總體寫的不錯！結(jié)構(gòu)，內(nèi)容沒有問題。語言的組織力度不夠強，第二段的邏輯層次有點亂。繼續(xù)加油！作文上需要投入點時間和精力。劉曉偉的主頁 | 查看全部日志