本期作文題目：
You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.
Write a memo of 40-50 words:
informing staff of the shutdown
telling them when it will happen
asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.
老師提示：
商務(wù)寫(xiě)作中遵循的原則是：簡(jiǎn)潔，精確，禮貌。在考試中或者工作中，格式基本已經(jīng)給出，所以只需要我們寫(xiě)正文即可。正文中我們寫(xiě)作要做到選詞精當(dāng)，一針見(jiàn)血，語(yǔ)法正確，不出低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤的句子。備忘錄屬于半正式的文體寫(xiě)作，所以在句子選擇上可以適當(dāng)放寬，不必太正式。
網(wǎng)友作文一：
MEMORANDUM
from : Tom TO : all staff
date : 25/8
Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .
i think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3]
TOM
_________________________________________
1.Business writing 中盡量少使用because....so... 這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)，看起來(lái)不夠?qū)I(yè)，改為：As we plan to upgrade.....
2.有中式英文的痕跡：我要求你們。。。。改為：please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.
3.這不能算作accident, 既然已經(jīng)計(jì)劃好了。整句去掉。換成thank you.
網(wǎng)友作文二：
From: office manager
To: all staff
Subject: the company system
I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]
Thank you.[5]
_________________________________________
[1]去掉這個(gè)開(kāi)頭，直接用被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)開(kāi)頭。
[2]去掉，多余了。
[3]如果你不能保證用長(zhǎng)復(fù)句可以表達(dá)清楚，那么建議換成短句吧。拆成幾個(gè)短句也許表達(dá)更貼切呢。
[4]這句話(huà)看起來(lái)非常不清楚，主語(yǔ)在哪里？please 的后面是嗎？改成：please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.
[5]另?yè)Q一行
You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.
Write a memo of 40-50 words:
informing staff of the shutdown
telling them when it will happen
asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.
老師提示：
商務(wù)寫(xiě)作中遵循的原則是：簡(jiǎn)潔，精確，禮貌。在考試中或者工作中，格式基本已經(jīng)給出，所以只需要我們寫(xiě)正文即可。正文中我們寫(xiě)作要做到選詞精當(dāng)，一針見(jiàn)血，語(yǔ)法正確，不出低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤的句子。備忘錄屬于半正式的文體寫(xiě)作，所以在句子選擇上可以適當(dāng)放寬，不必太正式。
網(wǎng)友作文一：
MEMORANDUM
from : Tom TO : all staff
date : 25/8
Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .
i think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3]
TOM
_________________________________________
1.Business writing 中盡量少使用because....so... 這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)，看起來(lái)不夠?qū)I(yè)，改為：As we plan to upgrade.....
2.有中式英文的痕跡：我要求你們。。。。改為：please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.
3.這不能算作accident, 既然已經(jīng)計(jì)劃好了。整句去掉。換成thank you.
網(wǎng)友作文二：
From: office manager
To: all staff
Subject: the company system
I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]
Thank you.[5]
_________________________________________
[1]去掉這個(gè)開(kāi)頭，直接用被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)開(kāi)頭。
[2]去掉，多余了。
[3]如果你不能保證用長(zhǎng)復(fù)句可以表達(dá)清楚，那么建議換成短句吧。拆成幾個(gè)短句也許表達(dá)更貼切呢。
[4]這句話(huà)看起來(lái)非常不清楚，主語(yǔ)在哪里？please 的后面是嗎？改成：please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.
[5]另?yè)Q一行