何鋼在原作文上的詳細(xì)批改(括號為不妥之處，注釋為修改)：
    In reality, a large number(1) of money have(2) been funded(3) on the development of human
    population in order to enhance the living standand(4). Although government(5) and animal lovers
    have started to assist in conservation of animals, lacking of money and social awareness is still a
    key problem of animal conservation program(6). Now people should care and pay more for
    animals rather than living in luxury.(7)
    Government(8) have put certain fund on wild animals, while a few part of them was spent on
    protecting animals legally.(9) Instead, large account(10) of money has been cost(11) to murder
    them. eg.(12) in scientific research, animals are more like victims whose body might suffer a lot
    even damaged through experiment in aimning of coming out a result from experiment, rather than
    lucky ones who can benefit lots care and love from hunman being(13).(14) From long term(15)
    view, government(16) should not only spend money for current profits but aslo pay more for our
    generations(17).
    Admittedly, although money has been gathered to set covervation program(18) for animals, it is so
    limited that animals could not get a better care in zoos. Lacking of money is the mainly(19)
    problem to maintain the running of zoos, which cause the animals have to transform to another
    area,(20) and some of them could die for(21) the frequently(22) traving(23) and uncomfortable
    weather. Animals are facing awful fate unless government(24) could settle the financial issue by
    all means.
    To sum up, animals(25) lovers should do more effort(26) to save the endanged(27) animals
    especially rare species,(28) by wakening up the social awareness and donating money. where
    people could save money for animals ,when we will get benefit from wildlife.(29)
    1 number修飾可數(shù)名詞，應(yīng)為sum
    2 主謂一致，單數(shù)主語應(yīng)該用has
    3 fund作動詞的時(shí)候不這么用。Cf: The project is jointly funded by several local companies. 此
    處應(yīng)用spent.
    4 拼寫錯誤及單復(fù)數(shù)。應(yīng)為：people's living standards.
    5 此處應(yīng)加定冠詞the.
    6 拼寫錯誤。應(yīng)為：program.
    7 中心思想句可改寫為：I shall argue that more money should be allocated to and greater efforts
    should be made on the protection of animal life.
    8 單復(fù)數(shù)。應(yīng)為：Governments.
    9 這句話的意思含糊不清。
    10 用詞及單復(fù)數(shù)。應(yīng)為：a large amount of
    11 詞的用法錯誤。Cost (sb) sth. 例：How much did the work cost you? 這里的主語是money，
    不能用cost，可以用allot, appropriate撥款，或spend, use花錢。
    12 不要用縮略語。應(yīng)改為：For example.
    13 Human beings.
    14 這整句話雖然是個(gè)長句，但是意思不清楚。
    15 A long-term.
    16 應(yīng)加定冠詞the government.
    17 后代應(yīng)該是future generations或者the generations to come.
    18 拼寫及單復(fù)數(shù)。應(yīng)為：conservation programs.
    19 詞性。修飾名詞的應(yīng)該用形容詞：main.
    20 這個(gè)分句問題較多：情態(tài)助動詞、動詞用法、被動語態(tài)和單復(fù)數(shù)。應(yīng)為：which may cause
    the animals to be transformed to other areas.
    21 搭配。應(yīng)為：die from.
    22 詞性。應(yīng)為：frequent.
    23 拼寫。應(yīng)為：travelling.
    24 冠詞：the government或the authorities.
    25 名詞修飾名詞，一般用單數(shù)。應(yīng)為：animal.
    26 搭配及單復(fù)數(shù)。應(yīng)為：make more efforts, step up sustained efforts或make concerted attempts
    等。
    27 拼寫。應(yīng)為：endangered.
    28 應(yīng)為：…animals, especially the rare species, …
    29 最后一句話喊了個(gè)口號，但不知道喊的是什么：)